On My New Man

Alright, so here is the bit that I can't include in my Janey Canuck Blog. I can't post it there for a number of reasons. First, I think Trevor reads it. Second, I know my mother reads it. Third, I know Jason reads it. All of these reasons combine to dictate that I do not, under any circumstances, post what I am about to write now in my PG blog. So, without further ado, here is the juicy details.

Three weeks ago, on the tail of the fiasco I had with Jon, I was out with a female staff member, Nima. She's a really wicked chick. She invited me out to introduce me to some of her boyfriends mates, which was a welcome distraction to me. For awhile it was just Nima, Marc (her boyfriend), his friend Ricky, and myself. Ricky was all over me, and while he wasn't totally ugly, he wasn't really my type at all. A bit hefty,if you catch my drift. After about half an hour of small talk, I decided I wasn't going to meet Mr. Man tonight, and turned on the friendly vibe. That's when I noticed this retardedly hot guy walking up the stairs. I openly stared at him, unconcerned, and thinking it was going to be a passing moment. Turns out it wasn't. He walked up to Marc, gave him that buddy-buddy hand shake that turns into a body hug. Then Marc introduced him to me. Jason. I put on my sexiest grin, and shook his hand while batting my lovely lashes. He grinned back.

We made small talk for awhile, then did a shot or two, then bought some drinks. The night was progressing well. I asked Nima if he was single, and she laughed while telling me he was.
"I KNEW you would like Jas!" she said.
"Oh yes, oh yes!" I giggled back.

Suffice it to say, I brought him back to St. Ives with me that night. In the morning, he was the cutest, most snuggly guy EVER. He told me he was infatuated with my accent, and that he thought I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He kept putting himself down, saying that a guy like him could NEVER get a girl like me. It was well cute. We stayed in bed all day. It was kind of nice. We chatted, fooled around, and chatted some more. I felt a crush developing.

Things moved on from there, with a few lunch dates, dinner dates, and movies. And sex. Lots of really amazing, mind blowing sex. The best. Hands down. Amazing.

Did I mention he's only 19? Oops. Yah, he's only 19. And he's an amazing lover. It's....weird. He's TOO good. He likes to think it's just because we 'work well together'. You see, he's totally in love with me, already. He talks all the time about how amazing I am, and how he's never felt this way (though I know you are likely scoffing at this, saying he's too young to have a breadth of experience. To you nay-sayers, I say eff off. Rachelle. I'm talking to you, here. Ha ha ha!). He really does treat me like gold though. However, I should gualify this with the fact that he doesn't treat me TOO nicely. As you should be aware, I balk at being kept on too short a leash. Too nice guys get the boot sooner rather than later, with me. It's a sad but true thing.

Jason is the perfect mixture. He's mysterious enough at times to keep me guessing, but he's also adorable most of the time. He worships the ground I walk on, which is pretty nice.

I dunno...I like him quite a bit, which is well surprising, especially considering how I feel about the Trevor situation. That is MAJORLY confusing, as I still have feelings for Trevor. I keep trying to overanalyze the situation, and really guage my feelings on the two boys...but it's so hard. Obviously I like Trevor a lot. I think sometimes that he might be the one for me...and other times I think I'm kidding myself to think he'd wait around for me. Obviously I had thought I would wait for him, and look at what's happened? So with that in mind, I keep trying to justify my relationship with Jason. But what if Trevor is a tougher person than me? What if he really does love me too, and he's so committed to the idea of us that he isn't even entertainin the thought of another woman? What if I'm just a weak person? I worry about this sort of thing all the time. However, at the same time, I keep thinking that a) I don't expect him to wait for me, and b) he can't expect me to wait for him. Ugh. I dunno. Or maybe he can. Maybe I'm just such a huge whore.....

..but now, I'm not. Cuz I genuinely have feelings for Jason as well. It's not just about satisfying bodily cravings. I enjoy his company. But...if I am totally honest, I don't share the same intellectual bond with Jason that I do with Trevor. At least, not yet. Trevor and I talk a lot more on MSN, which is more emotionally sustaining at this point, and not physical. Perhaps if I lost the physical with Jason, and was forced to only do emotional, we'd reach that level too. Who knows? I haven't the foggiest.

I am well confused about the whole situation. In all honesty though, only time will tell. When I go home for Christmas, I will figure out for certain where I stand.If I am with Jason, but I feel intense feelings for Trevor, then I know what I have to do. But if I am still with Jason, and I realize I feel less for Trevor, then I again know what I have to do. Hopefully it is as cut and dry as that.

But enough for now. I am tired, and this mental stimulation is draining me.

Cheers.