On Being Manless in Thunder Bay

I'm having some serious problems here in Thunder Bay. Mainly, I seem to be making some pretty terrible choices, when it comes to men. Nothing new there. I can't recall a single occasion in the past two years where I've made a sound decision regarding men. Anyways, I won't elaborate any more past the point that I've developed two crushed, both on guys who have girlfriends. Both who seem to have little regard for the fact that they have girlfriends, and want to sow their wild oats. With anyone.

At first, I was kind of into the idea, with the first guy I developed a crush on; I thought I could have a friends with benefits situation, which would be ideal for my brief time spent in Thunder Bay. However, I started to have a crush on the first guy, and decided that the best thing for me to do was distance myself from that situation. I didn't want to develop feelings. So I started hanging out with another guy. I thought I could try the friends with benefits thing again, only to discover that yet AGAIN I developed feelings for the guy. This time it was a gigantic crush. It was bad news bears. So I've since decided to distance myself from that guy too, because he is even less interested in me than the first guy.

This leads me to wonder if ANY guy is capable of being truly committed to a girl. I mean, these guys won't break up with their girlfriends, but they have absolutely no problem being with me...and they made it pretty clear that I wasn't the only person they wanted to be with up here either. Which is just another reason why I've distanced myself from them. I'm all for friends with benefits, but it has to be exclusive. I don't want to get any freaky diseases because these guys can't keep it in their pants. Although I guess I am being hypocritical. They've already proven they don't care much for any form of commitment.

Anyways, back to my original idea...that no man can commit. I wouldn't have pegged the second guy for being a cheater. He's such a nice guy. Funny, smart, good looking, genuine, and kind. He's great to talk to....he's probably one of the first guys I felt I could open up to. But he's a dog...it's so conflicting. I don't quite understand it. I often wonder what his girlfriend thinks of him; what her perceptions of him are. I bet she doesn't think he'd cheat either. He must be very good at charming women, because I still don't believe it, and I've been the other woman. How smooth.

I don't think a woman could carry on this way. There is no way I could cheat on my boyfriend and be okay with it. I cheated on Adam, and I told him the following day. It weighed on my conscience too much. If I feel the need to cheat, then I know my relationship is dead. Why seek attention somewhere else if you're happy. Get it from the one you love. Although...there is that saying "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"...I think that's a mantra that all men live by. Women, not so much.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do now. I know that being here for only 2 months at a time isn't very conducive to developing a relationship, so trying to find something up here SEEMS pointless. However, I still have feelings, needs. I'm just like any other woman out there! I'll always be looking for someone to snuggle up with. I just like being in a relationship like that. It sucks to know that basically, for an entire year, I won't be able to have that.

The only thing that pushes me on is the idea that, in a year from now, if I start working in a school, maybe I will establish a new social network that will introduce me to the man of my dreams.

I don't know. I'm such a girl sometimes. I have such girlish notions about love! But I always have, and I don't see that changing any time soon. So I'll be content to bitch and moan on here, while I pine away for someone I've likely never met, and just hope that he finds me sooner rather than later.