On Conversing With An English Bloke and My Dilema

So I mentioned earlier how I rejoined the Myspace community right? Well, being the slightly shy person that I am, I had a really hard time of going about actually FINDING British people to add on there as my friends. I know that Myspace is a lot less formal than Facebook, in terms of adding friends. In fact, it's probably the most informal social networking site ever, because the privacy restrictions are few and far between. Anyone can find you, really. They may not be able to search your real name, but they can do a browse of your profile through proximity...the whole postal code thing. Anyways, I've been on there for a few weeks now I think, and just recently I was able to add my 28th friend. Big deal, I know. Try to contain your awe at what a social butterfly I am.

Anyways, one of the first messages that I received was from this rather quiet looking, unassuming English guy. His initial message said something about how he doesn't often stumble across Canadian people moving to England, looking for friends, and thought that he would drop me a polite hello. Based on my previous Myspace experience, which involved a lot of disgusting messages from perverts, this message was quite fresh and light. I decided to take him up on his polite offer, and messaged him back. After a few days of messaging back and forth that way, he asked how he could find me on Facebook today. I explained that, as a teacher, no one can find me, but that I would be happy to find HIM if he would hit up me up with his full name and e-mail address. So five minutes later he provides me with this information, and I search and add him. We chat for a bit using the extremely lame Facebook chat feature, and then I suggest moving to MSN (a logical progression). So we add each other to MSN, and continue our chat there. I must say, this fellow has turned out to be a very welcome addition to my life, thus far!! He is very very helpful about ANYTHING that I ask him about England! I was so afraid that people would find my ignorance on living in England annoying, but he really doesn't seem to detest my curiosity! He even gave me a bunch of different websites to visit, in terms of finding housing, or finding a room in a house with roomies (he told me his friend used the site, and is quite happy where he is living because of it), or even getting a cell phone!! I am so excited to go now! I almost feel as if I have a friend already!!

In fact, he told me today that, by some weird coincidence, he happened to book his holidays (he did this ages ago, apparently) the week of my arrival! Fabulous! He told me that if I wanted someone to show me around Cambridge, he'd be more than happy to do that! AND he said he's a history geek like me, and that if I ever wanted a buddy on my lame history trips around England, he'd accompany me.

Now, I am sure some of you are thinking this is all rather strange. However, I don't think it is at all. Before I went to Thunder Bay, I was chatting to people in my program on Facebook before I even met them as well. In fact, I was invited to a party before I even LEFT for Thunder Bay (via Facebook). I ended up going to the party, on my SECOND night in the city, without knowing WHO would even really be there...and it turned out really well! The people that I met at that party were the people I hung out with for the rest of my time in Thunder Bay. So clearly, in my experience, it is worthwhile to go out on a limb and try to meet new people. Just make sure you've got an exit strategy, in case it turns out to be weird! HA! Although, I usually don't let things get weird, because even though I may be shy, I try to be as friendly as possible in all situations, which tends to diffuse a lot of sticky, awkward situations. I'm pretty good at pretending to not be shy, and fitting in with new crowds.

I think I will continue to befriend Chris, because he seems like a genuinely nice person. If I keep chatting with him, up until my departure, I will definitely arrange to get his number from him, so that we can meet up when I arrive in Cambridge. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, during my first week, because it could get kind of lonely and scary otherwise. He can also show me around the countryside where I will be working, so that I get acquainted with the area before I have to start teaching. I don't see anything bad about this! But...then again, I am a very trusting person, so perhaps someone with a more cynical outlook would disagree with me.

He also kind of reminds me of...and please don't punch me when I say this...Adam. He has the same look about him. Although he's much edgier...I mean, he has a tattoo on his arm, and he dresses much trendier. A bit "scene", if you ask me, but I kind of dig that. NOT that I am looking at this in a romantical sort of light. I assure you I am not. Although, I wouldn't stop anything from happening, once I arrived, if that's the way the cookie crumbled. However, I am NOT implying that I WANT the cookie to crumble that way. I don't. If the world were a perfect place, K would fall madly in love with me and want to stick it out for a year, or something. HAHAHA! Man, even just writing that I realized how completely far fetched and ridiculous that scenario is. HA HA HA! Oh man, I don't really even WANT that, I don't think. God. I want K to fall madly in love with me NOW...and they cry when I leave...but I honestly want it to end there. Honestly. I want to go to England with a fresh slate. No men in sight, so that I may wine and dine (eat fish and chips and drink pints) with Britain's finest and sexiest. Mmmmmm.

Ha ha ha. I'm honestly laughing in my head right now at the fact that I wrote down that outlandish suggestion. Ri-god-damn-diculous.

Oh, I've got other news to blabber about. Alright. This may be news to you Andie, but it probably isn't...either way, don't be mad. Alright. So here's the background story:

I've got this friend, Greg (yep....you know where this is going, don't you). I had a crush on him when I first met him. This was back when I worked at Roots. At the time, he was living with my Boss. Anyways, whatever, nothing ever came of that, and I didn't particularly want it to. Last summer, he had a mega crush on Andie (at least, that was my opinion of the situation...cuz he was always trying to get in her bed, lol), so he was around the house a lot. The three of us had a bunch of movie and junk food nights, strictly on a friendly level. Fine by me. I was seeing someone at the time anyways, who I was really into at the time. All was well. Then I went up to Thunder Bay, had to break it with the boy. C'est la vie. Greg goes off to college, and must have gotten REALLY bored, because he started to message me on MSN more. So we had lots of conversations, and kind of developed a pretty solid girl-guy friendship. He would ask me advice on girls, and I would ask him advice on guys. Turned out we were very similar, when it came to relationships; we hit a stumbling block after a certain period of time, where we became really disinterested in the person we were with, and ended up breaking their hearts. We had a lot of conversations talking about what this meant, mostly debating whether or not were were datable people. We still haven't really come to a solid conclusion on that...though he likes to say that we're just picky, and when the right person comes along we won't get sick of them after an unspecified amount of time. He's probably got a point there.

Anyways, our talking eventually lead to flirting, as it always does. When I came back to Guelph in the fall, Andie had a party welcoming me back, in which I ended the night by totally leaving with Greg. I lied and said nothing happened, but it had to be pretty obvious that we banged. Sorry. I guess I was ashamed that it happened, for whatever reason. At the time, I chalked it up to drunkeness, and vowed that it wouldn't happen again. Greg and I talked about it, and we both agreed that it was just two friends banging.

So I go back to Thunder Bay, we resume our friendly/flirty banter. I return south again. (This is the part you might NOT be aware of Andie.) My first weekend back, I plan to go to Guelph again, to have yet another welcome back party. The only difference THIS time is that, prior to my return, there was some serious serious dirty talk going on between Greg and I. So, I decide that prior to going to Guelph for the evening, I am going to drive to Toronto for the day, hang out with Greg, and then bring him with me back to Guelph for the party. We work out the details, and it's done. I'm not even going to lie, the sex we had was fucking mind blowingly amazing. Best sex ever. We both decide not to tell anyone, because it could potentially get weird...and besides, we'd both agreed that it was mostly friends-with-benefits sex. Just really good friends-with-benefits sex. Ha ha! Anyways, he came and partied with us again, and I ended up bringing him back with me to Andies (SO EMBARRASSING) where we had more drunken friends-with-benefits sex. And it was just as good. Again, sorry Andie. That futon was a nasty sex machine, and you know it. HA HA!

THEN the NEXT time I came up, he was in Guelph again, and yet again we had wickedly awesome friends-with-benefits sex. Fucking amazing stuff. Ha ha!

Anyways, this weekend I am going to Guelph again, and am super amped for it. Greg is also going to be there, which is totally fine. We're still friends, just friends. I talk to him ALL THE TIME about the situation with K, getting his advice and feedback. He helps me realize I'm being a stupid girl, and most of the time decodes K's retarded behaviour (they're very similar in personality, and age ha ha ha!). However, last weekend I had a bit of a spazz out concerning K, and I vented to Greg. He talked me through it, and was a very good friend....I was seriously being a fucking idiot. I can't even get into detail about how STUPID I was being...If I had been Greg, I would NOT have put up with my bitching. Anyways, he did, and he talked me out of my retardardness.

Well...today I was talking to him, after a brief hiatus, and he told me that since he put up with my bullshit on the weekend, I owed him a kiss. Huh. I thought that was kind of...odd. However, I told him that a kiss was pretty innocent, and that I could give him that. Then he told me that if I wanted to gain back his respect, I'd have to do a lot more than that. I asked him what he meant, and he said it depended on what rules I wanted to set. Things were getting decidedly more flirty. However, feeling rather flirtatious, I told him that I really only needed to have "moderately good rules, since I'm technically still single". Gulp. Anyways, it kind of went back and forth this way, until he said something about how I couldn't get pouty this weekend. I replied by saying that I was bringing my party panties, so no pouting would take place. He replied by saying that if I wanted help losing the party panties, I could holler at him (or something to that effect). I said I would keep him in the loop.

Ugh. I have no idea what I am doing. I like K. I like K a lot. However, I really feel like he doesn't like me NEARLY as much as I like him. And Greg made a good point the other day, saying that I put K on a pedestal, when he doesn't even deserve to be on one. I mean, I am not a pedestal for K. If he has me on a pedestal, he is VERY good at acting like he doesn't. He doesn't seem the least bit concerned about not seeing me this weekend, and hasn't really even made any sort of gesture to show that he wants me to be a "good girl" this weekend in Guelph. You know, most boyfriends would say something like "Don't let too many guys hit on you" or something, right? Not K. He could care less. I don't think he would cheat on ME,but then again...who the hell knows. Maybe he would. Obviously I don't want to cheat on him either...but then again, would it even be cheating? I mean, he said we are "something" (direct quote), but he never explained what the something is. We've never had a talk about what we are, about the rules of our relationship, or even if this IS a relationship. It's just "something". I don't even know what that MEANS!? Can you cheat on "something", or are the lines of "something" so fluid that there isn't really any line to cross? I honestly cannot predict how I will act on Saturday. A part of me wants to just give in to the awesome (its sooo good, honestly)friends-with-benefits sex....because it really would just be meaningless sex between two friends. I have absolutely no romantic feelings for Greg. I can say that honestly, and with a straight face (so no worries there, Andie). I DO have feelings for Kyle though...but I don't know if I can trust them. I don't know if it's worth the effort, because I'm leaving, and he's leaving, and at the moment he fails to want to recognize this as anything more than "something". I'm so conflicted...it's ridiculous.

Anyways, I wanted to give the full scope of the situation so that people could comment....tell me what you think I should do. Be a good girl, or be a good girl gone bad? (Just so you know, I'm leaning towards the former...I will more than likely forgo the amazingly good friend sex, because my feelings for K are pretty strong...as much as I wish they weren't, since I seriously doubt he feels the same way about me)

On The Good Times and the Bad

This weekend was a mixture of both good and bad.

Friday night was deemed Ladies Night, so Sheena, Holly and I headed over to our friend Meaghans to have some fruity drinks before hitting the pub. We started drinking around 8, and by 10:30 I was feeling pretty buzzed. So I did the only logical thing, and I texted K. We got our text message flirt on, and I let slip (on purpose) that my parents were out of town for the night. With this knowledge in mind, he proposed that we meet up later in the night for a throwdown, which I was more than willing to agree too. So all the ladies pack into Meaghans car, which she has named Hank, and we head downtown.

Well...downtown is a total letdown. It's deader than I have ever seen it. There were maybe 10 people in the pub, which is usually pretty jamming. I quickly text K and tell him not to bother going downtown, since it's boring as hell. He texts me back, inviting me to come hang out with him and his buddies for awhile. My sister, meanwhile, has met up with her twenty-something play toy, and is more than happy to leave me to my own devices. Apparently I wasn't the only one who wanted to take advantage of the absense of the parentals. (Isn't it sad that we're in our mid twenties and have to have secret rendevous when our parents aren't home?!)

So I hop a cab to where K is, and join in the drinking going on there. After about an hour, I wink at K, and he suggests we call a cab. Ten minutes later, we're back at my place, rushing upstairs to my room. I push him onto my bed, and promptly tell him to undress. He protests, saying that I should undress first, so I do. Then I repeat that he MUST undress....
"My house, my rules" I say, as sexily as I can.
I'll spare you the rest of the steamy details, except to say that it was well worth the two week wait. ;)

After, we're laying in my bed, talking. It's so carefree and easy to talk to him, and we talk about just about everything, for about another hour. Then he starts to doze off, so I let him. At about 5am (this is a guess) I feel him wrap his arms around me, and he starts to kiss me on the neck. I turn around, and he kisses me on the mouth, which leads to the most impromptu round two I've had in awhile! It was kinda nice. After, we sleep again until my alarm goes off at 6:45...he had to work Saturday morning, so I took him to work, and then came back home to go to bed. All in all, it was a pretty solid evening.

Saturday night was the wedding. He calls me at 5, saying he will be at my house momentarily. Luckily I was ready for him! And, I thought, I was looking quite pretty. So we head to the LCBO, where I help him pick out a bottle of wine for the bride and groom, and then we head to the wedding. It was the most casual wedding I have ever been to, and I can sadly admit that I was the most overdressed person there...and I was only in a 35 dollar dress! However, the high heels really put me over the top. How embarrassing. Luckily for me, K's two girl friends that were there were also wearing dresses (with flats), so I wasn't totally out in left field. Drinking started right after, which was around 7. Everyone proceeded to get shit faced at an alarming rate, myself included. We were all sitting in a circle, chatting away, when I heard someone say to K "Is SHE with YOU?"
"Yah man..." I heard K reply.
Turning around, I state that I can hear them talking about me.
The unknown guy laughs and says, "Sorry, I just couldn't believe that K could get someone as hot as you to date him....I mean....wow"
I blushed, and K beamed. This seems to be a standard thing around here.
I turned away at this point, to let the two boys debate my hotness, and to let K gloat a bit in his being able to obtain me.

At around 9, Candice and her man Eric disappeared. She returned a half hour later, laughing that her and Eric just had sex in his truck, and immediatly after he had to throw up outside. He ended up driving home (bad idea, because he was slammed) to sleep it off. We didn't see him for the rest of the night. Meanwhile, K wasn't doing much better himself. It also started to rain. Did I mention it was an outdoor wedding, with no tent? Yah. So everyone tried to huddle around the ONE small patio umbrella that was around. Lucky for me, K had snagged a seat directly under it, and he motioned for me to come sit on his lap and stay dry. So I happily sat on his lap for awhile, while he rubbed my back.

After awhile, the rain let up, so we went and sat on a swinging chair. K motions for me to come in for a whisper, and tells me that he's seeing double, and he wants to go lay down for awhile. It's about 9:45 at this point. Concerned, I ask him if he wants to lay down in his friend McKenna's car. He nods. I get the keys, and take him to the car. He lays down in the back seat, and tells me to come wake him up in an hour.

An hour and a half goes by, and I go to check on him. He says he still feels like he is going to throw up, and he is still dead tired. He says he was up late with me the night before, and it's hitting him hard. I feel bad, so I climb into the back with him and let him rest his head on my lap. I rub his back, and run my fingers through his hair until he falls asleep. Then I sit there, wondering what to do for about half an hour. Eventually, McKenna comes, thinking we're doing shit in his car. He's happy to see that we're not, ha ha! Eventually he gets me to come out of the car, and I return to drink until around 11:30. Then Candice decides she wants to go downtown. Thinking this is my opportunity to wake up K, I agree. So we head to McKenna's car, and drive to where Kyle's car is parked (I need to get my ID from his car). K gets out, saying he just wants to keep sleeping in his van. I try to convince him to come out, even for a little while, but he keeps saying he is just so tired. He really does look exhausted, and I feel bad because I am the reason he was up so late. He hugs me, kisses me, and tells me he's sorry, but that he just really needs to sleep. So I grab my purse, give him a peck, and then storm off saying "FINE" in that loud, angry girl voice that we all get. The one where its not really fine, but the guy is so stupid he thinks it is. So he gets into the van, and we head downtown.

Well...I can't have a good time downtown, cuz I just miss K, and I'm kinda pissed that I didn't get to hang out with him much due to his drunkeness/tiredness. All of his guy friends razz him in his absense, calling him a pussy, and moaning about how he left his pretty girlfriend high and dry. A few of them try to call him, but either he turned off his phone, or it died. It turned out to be the latter. Anyways, at 1:30 I figure I'd had enough. I ask McKenna if he will drop me off at Kyle's van, so I can check on him before going home. He agrees. As we get to the van, he asks me if I want him to stick around until I'm done, or if I will be okay. I tell him to take off, cuz I'm not sure how long K might need me to stay...if he's getting sick, I don't want to leave him. So I wave goodbye to McKenna and head towards the van.

When I open the door, I can't see K.
"K?" I call into the darkness.
Nothing.
"K? Are you okay?!?!" I ask, a bit louder.
I hear a mumble of yes.
"Do you want me to take you home? I can drive now..."
A mumble of no.
"Do you want anything? Water? Food? A blanket? Pillow?"
Another mumble of no.
"Okay...." I pause for about two minutes, unsure of what to do. "I'm...going to walk home now..." I say tentatively.
I hear him move, and then hear him mumble something...but I can't make it out. I close the door, cursing under my breath, and walk home.

The next day, I have a bit of a freak out, because I texted him in the morning asking how he was, and get nothing. That's not like him. He always has his cell on him, and is prompt in his replies. I start thinking of all the bad things that could happen...like maybe he's mad that I was too nice, or thinks I'm clingy for going to check on him...or any number of things. Eventually I find out his battery died....so it was stupid to worry. He finally texts me at 9pm and says he is sorry for last night. I tell him it's not a big deal.

All is well.

I'm hoping to see him Friday night, since Saturday night I will be in Guelph and he will be in London. It's a shame he can't come with me to Guelph, because I really wanted him to meet Andie, Rachelle, and my other friends, and this would probably be the only opportunity for that. Oh well...I guess it wasn't meant to happen.

That's all for now!

Cheers!

On Finding a Summer Job

I've finally managed to find summer employment! I couldn't be happier, because it was imperative that I have some money coming in. At the end of the month, I have to go to Toronto to apply for my visa, and in order to obtain it, I have to prove I have sufficient funds to sustain myself for a month or two. I was told that $3,000 would be about the amount needed. I don't have $3,000. I don't even have $3. I'm not even lying. I wish I was! Instead, what I plan to do is move $3,000 from my line of credit, and try to pass that off as real coin when I go for the appointment. I'm a bit nervous to to go the bank and try to get them to print me a statement saying I have $3,000. We'll see. I may go plead my case to them; tell them that I will be bringing in around $48,000 dollars in a years time. But, in order to do so, I have to get to England, which means I have to move that $3,000. If they refuse to print me a statement saying I have the $3,000, for whatever reason, I'm going to move it anyways and print off the page online...not sure how legit that would be viewed as, by the people processing my Visa...but if it comes down to that, I will attempt it. Anyways, I need a summer job so that by the end of August I can have the $2,000 debt I have paid off, so that I can actually switch the $3,000 over and KEEP it there...and then slowly pay it off while I'm overseas. Ugh. Does that make ANY sense? I am bloody awful, I know. It is ridiculous.

Anyways, I probably shouldn't be talking too much about money on here. That's a rather personal topic.

So the new job is at the local Sobeys. I'm not sure where I will be working yet, but it's going to be cash, deli, or produce. The manager is going to call me on Saturday to let me know where she wants to start me, and what day. She told me sometime next week I can start. What a load off. I need the money like nobodies business. I'll have to be sure to book off June 30th as soon as I can...that's the day I have to take in all my paperwork for the Visa. I will lie and say I have wedding that day. I will start right off the bat requesting ONLY that day off, for the entire summer. I will work the rest, no problem. Or at least, I will try.

I'm sure the new job will afford much more to write about in here; there's always stuff going on at work!! I will meet new people, maybe make some new friends, and almost certainly experience some workplace drama. Hurray, can't wait to be a working girl again!

On the plus side, I spoke with K last night on MSN, and found out I am still invited to the wedding this weekend...or at least the reception and drinking that will take place after. I am totally fine with that, since I would feel a bit out of place at the actual wedding anyways, considering I don't know the bride or groom. I just know the grooms son...and am banging the grooms sons' friend. Heh heh. Apparently it's going to be tented sleepover, the night of. I must admit that I am excited about that, because it means (hopefully) a tent for K and myself....which means (hopefully) some time to throw it down. We haven't been able to have a romp in two weeks, and frankly I am ridiculously...amorous...if you catch my drift. I am going to be on him like spots on a dice. He better not get WD (Whiskey Dick) or anything of the like. No excuses! I need to get some, asap! Ha ha ha!

In other news, I've also rejoined Myspace....I've been a bit more secretive this time though, not using my real name. So hopefully I won't run into any problems, like I did last time. Anyways, the reason I did it was to kind of scope out the scene around Cambridge, so I can kind of get a feel for the types of people that live there. I've only added, and subsequently talked to, one guy from Cambridge since I re-inserted myself into the Myspace community. Being the picky person that I am, he's very hot. Ha ha ha. And, some of you might be happy to read this, he is 25. I don't think I will allow my penchant for young men to accompany me to England. I think I'm learning a valuable lesson here now, with my "Summer of Twenty". It won't be something I seek to do again...the maturity difference is startling at times. In England I will be sure to find men that are closer to my age and maturity level. Although, I could argue that no mature man exists, anywhere....so it may just be a hopeless search. But I digress. I've added this sexy Brit in the hopes that I might be able to get some valuable information about living and playing in and around Cambridge. And who knows...maybe I can make a friend out of him, in real time. You gotta start somewhere!

Well, I'm off for now!

Cheers

On Feeling Down In The Dumps (In Brief)

I don't really feel like I have the time, or the engery, to go into an elaborate blog today. However, I feel like I have been neglecting writing in here lately, and its not for a lack of time. More likely, it is a lack of effort. I've been so down in the dumps lately, that I just don't feel I can exert myself to come on here, and spill the beans. I also must admit that I feel some shame in myself, since most of what I would complain about is petty and irrational. All of it, I might add, has to do with the boy.

You see, I thought things were going pretty well with K. His friends all gushed about how he liked me, and how he hasn't been "this into a girl" in years. I couldn't have been happier to hear this news, and for awhile it put me in good spirits. However, his actions did not betray his feelings to me. While he still invites me out with him and his buddies at least one day per weekend (I should stress that I never see him during the week. I always rationalize to myself that he's a busy boy; he works all day, bikes a lot of nights, and he doesn't live in the same town as me. These are my excuses for his not wanting to see me during the week...). He used to make an effort to message me once a day on Facebook, MSN, or via text messaging. I say used to though, because the past two weeks have seen a decline in any outreach on his part towards me. No more Facebook messages, very little MSN chat (he's rarely even on), and I have to instigate all the text messaging. It's frustrating, because I have this dull but persistant feeling that perhaps he is growing tired of me. I've been in his shoes before, and I know how it goes down. I haven't been the one to get the shaft in years though...and I must admit that it hurts more than I had anticipated.

That said, I could also be acting very "girlish" in jumping to this conclusion. We had a talk on Friday, where he told me that he's just not the best at committments (typical red flag, I am aware), and that he's always been a bit "chill" in his relationships. Casual is just who he is, and I should get used to it. I am constantly trying to keep this in mind, but I can't help but doubt the validitiy of his statements. I think for the right girl, he'd smarten up. Clearly I'm not that girl. If I am, he's got a lot of learning to do, because his actions sure do serve to push me away. He told me he likes me, and wants to keep seeing me...so maybe I should just take a chill pill, and take this thing at face value. It won't go anywhere past September, and this I already know. Even if I wasn't leaving for England, I wouldn't let him go into his first year of College with a girlfriend. That's just not fair to him; he needs to be totally free to have fun. So this thing was going to have a time limit, no matter what. That said, I can't help the feelings I have for him. I am rational enough to know I have to let go in September, and I don't forsee a problem there at all. I'm looking forward to going to England and meeting a lot of hot English men, and getting my mad flirt on. I will be bringing my A game, to be sure. I'm not worried about September. However, I am worried about now. I like him now. I want to hang out with him, now. I want to do crazy things to his body, cuz I find him irresistable (very very attracted to the kid, what can I say). I dunno why he can't be down with that...more often ha ha ha!

Ah well...he invited me to go to a wedding with him this weekend. Although...I am having doubts about it. You see, he asked me when he was drunk, and I'm not sure if, sober, he means it. I am too afraid to ask him if he still wants me to come...so I am waiting for him to give me some more information. I went and bought a modest (35 dollar) dress for the event. It's super casual, nothing special, but I still want to look good (for him). I don't really want the dress to go to waste...although if I don't go to the wedding, I could always wear it next weekend when I go to Andie's Goodbye party...so I suppose not all is lost. Anyways, hopefully his invitation as sincere. If it is, its a step in the right direction. I will feel a lot more secure, knowing that he wants me around for these kinds of things.

I like him a lot, and it's driving me crazy, cuz I just want to know he likes me back. Security until September would be fabulous. I don't think that is a lot to ask, but perhaps it is...

We'll talk later...

Cheers

On Going to England

...Cambridgeshire to be exact. That's right. In three short months, I will be jumping across the pond and becoming a twenty-something Canadian girl in Britain. Following in the tradition of Carson's before me (namely my father), I am heading to the motherland in pursuit of a job. And possibly a man. Ahaha. Just kidding on the latter. *wink wink*

Today I formally accepted a position in a school small village outside Cambridge. The population is small indeed, but the school has children bused in from 5 neighbouring communities, which allows it to boast a student population that is half the size of the village itself. It's quaint, to be sure. I've been doing some brief research around the area, trying to figure out where I want to live, and have fallen upon two choices; the city of Cambridge itself, which is known for its rather old and prestigious University, and the bustling town of St. Ives. I highly suggest you do a google search on St. Ives, Cambridgeshire, if you're interested in seeing where I am going. It looks like a gorgeous little town, one that would suit me quite well. It's also a bus ride away from Cambridge, which is, in turn, a bus ride away from London. I'm sure there are trains too, that could take me anywhere I desire. Ah, what my weekends will soon be filled with...

This isn't to say the entire trip is going to be a vacation. On the contrary, I was hired to fill a maternity leave, and therefore teaching will be my main priority. I will be entrusted with four (I believe it is four, but we shall soon see the exact number) English classes in a secondary school. Secondary schooling in England is quite different than what we have here. The students enter high school when they are 11, and only have to attend until they are 16. If they want to continue, they have to write an exam called the GCSE, which allows them to continue for two more years in more of a college/university streamed, vocational school. It's still part of the public education system, but it is a much more streamlined program, where the students take classes in what they hope to take in post-secondary education. It's rather like the CGEP system in Quebec.

The school I was hired with is also one of the top ranked academic schools in the country. Impressive, I know. In fact, I was told I am quite lucky, because most Canadian teachers get thrust into rather "difficult" classes, mostly in inner-city London. Frankly, I am relieved to have gotten this opportunity. Apparently the only reason I was offered the job was because I was highly recommended by Derek, the cute old man that interviewed me in Toronto last week. Thank you Derek!!! I am overjoyed to be able to have this experience, and am looking forward to it immensely.

Naturally though, I have some hesitations. I am sad to be leaving my friends and family behind. I worry that they will move on without me. I don't want to come back to find myself no longer a part of their tight-knit circle. I worry about losing my place in their hearts and minds! I know this is silly, and unfounded, but it still is a doubt that exists in my mind. I love my friends and family dearly, and being away from them will be the hardest part of going. I can only hold onto the fact that I will be back at Christmas break for sure, and will be in constant contact with them online, and otherwise. I think letter writing may be brought back for this occasion. Who doesn't enjoy a good transcontinental pen pal? I also have the difficult decision of figuring out when to tell K. Frankly, I don't want to tell him any time soon, because I am afraid that he will decide to end things right now. I'm not sure exactly what is going on between him and I, but I do know that I like him a lot, and I don't want things to end now, just because I am leaving in three months. Three months is a long time, in some regards. I would like to continue seeing him while I am still here. It would be a shame to halt things now. As such, I've decided to wait until I am sure of his feelings for me. Once I get a clear read on what's going on, I will tell him. He's going to college in the fall, so I am hoping that he will agree to let things naturally progress until he and I both depart. Fingers crossed.

Anyways, that's all I really wanted to say right now. More to come later.

Cheers!

On Trying Not To Fall, But Falling Anyways

Saturday night I got a text message from K, asking me if I wanted to hang out with him and his friends that night. I had committed myself to driving my sister and some of our friends to a Bonfire party, at the very least, so I told him that I might pop around some time after 10. I told him to text me when he got there, and I would see about heading over. Secretly I knew all along that I would go with him; I had to pick my brother up from work at 10, and which point I had planned to get him to drop me off at the party.

All went according to plan, and at 10:30 I was dropped off at the destination. I came downstairs, where the party was happening, and found a seat, thankfully, available next to K. I poured myself a stiff drink, and commenced the partying. Someone broke out a beer pong table, which they called "Water Ball" or something. Kids these days play the game differently than when I was a young lady. Ha. They filled all the cups with water, and then every time they sunk a ball, they had to do a shot. Similar, and yet not at all. I guess it makes sense to play that way, if you're not using beer. Anyways, K ended up playing a bunch of rounds, while I mingled and socialized with his friends. His one friend, Eric, who happens to have a girlfriend (it was her house we were at, actually) was hitting on me to the millionth degree. I was trying very hard not to be rude, cuz getting the approval of the friends is key, but it was very hard. I kept looking at K, to let him know I was all about him. He was looking pretty grumpy, and kept shooting his buddy some warning glances. I am fairly sure Eric was being harmless, but suffice it to say, K was unimpressed. I found out later that night that K had said something to Candice, the guys girlfriend, saying he had been a little more than jealous at Eric's actions. Anyways, the boys quickly abandoned their game of Water Ball, as they were getting too drunk, and settled for a game of Euchre. K indicated that he wanted me to join him in his seat, so I did. He also indicated he wanted a kiss, so I gave him one, to a bunch of "Ewwws" and other such comments. It was cute. Then his friend Paul asked if HE could kiss K. Laughing, I told him I was all for it. K, a bit of a homophobe (I am sad to admit) was against the idea, totally. After some convincing, in which I said that if he was secure with his sexuality it wouldn't bother him, he finally agreed to do it. I grabbed my camera, ready for the photo op of the century. However, just as they were about to meet, they both stuck their hands between their faces, and kissed hands. I snapped a picture of the post-kiss, with Paul laughing gleefully in my face. Nicely done, boys. I razzed them for leading me on. K grabbed me, and puckered his lips for another kiss.
"You really want one?" I asked.
He pouted, so I obliged.
Soon after, we prepared to head downtown.
During this time, for whatever reason, Paul decided to start ranting on about how "Beautiful" I was.
"K...your girl is absolutly beautiful. I mean, seriously. Wow. How did you do it? Gorgeous. Just gorgeous!" he gushed.
It was like he had just noticed me for the first time. It was a tad awkward, but I must admit I did enjoy K's reaction. He kinda puffed himself up, like most men do when they're proud, and winked at me. The compliments continued from Paul all night. Non-stop.

Downtown, we went to the Royal. It was a fairly busy night, though most of the clientele was K's age; younger than me. K asked me what I wanted to drink, so I told him, and then followed him to the bar. He ordered a drink for himself and I. The bartender looked at me, and asked me for my id. Letting out a loud sigh, I fished it out and handed it over. Funny how my man doesn't get id'd, and he's 19, but I do, and I am 23. Oh the injustices of it all. We grab our drinks, and find a table to sit down at. The rest of the group joins us. I sit on K's lap, for good measure. He rubs my leg, and I rest my head on his head. At this point, I get asked for id AGAIN. So I produce it AGAIN, while all K's friends giggle at the irony.

It's at this point that a bunch of random bimbo's decide to approach K. They're all tits and giggles, and vye hard for his attention. He chats to them, while I sit on his lap all the while, feeling like a third wheel. None of the numerous girls even ASK who I am...and frankly, K doesn't do much of a job of trying to introduce me. Although, it should be fairly obvious what my connection is with him...I AM sitting on his lap, afterall. However, I get a bit upset at this situation, and pull myself off him, stalking angrily to the bathroom. I am fuming, I must admit. I text my best bud, Andie, saying that I want to punch myself in the face. She calls me back, as I am peeing. Drunkely, I don't think twice about answering. I vent my frustrations to her, and she tells me I should go and kiss him in front of all the little girlies. I tell her I can't do that...but eventually I take her advice, and I do it. That teaches those idiots a lesson. They keep their distane the rest of the night.

The boys eventually go to play pool. I migrate over with the other two girfriends, Candice and Britt. We all kind of stand off to the side, watching our men play. I get a lot of stares, and more than a few fellows come upto flirt with me. One of K's friends comes up, and starts to talk with me.
"So, you're K's new girl, eh?" he asks.
"Yah, that'd be me," I reply.
"You're a cute little thing...K's a lucky guy!" he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in for one of those bear hugs.
"Hey, pretend you're leavin with me, I wanna see what he does..." he says
Unsure, I resist.
"Come on!" he says, "Hey Dutch! We're leavin!" he yells to K.
K looks up, not looking too impressed.
I pull away from the guy, and try to laugh it off.
I saunter over to K, who is standing watchin is opponent make a shot. I wrap my arms around his waist, and give him a quick peck on the neck.
"All my friends are hittin on you tonight, eh?" he asks, with a hint of jealousy in his voice.
"Aw, babe, you know I've only got eyes for you" I say (or something damn near close).
He grins, and squeezes my hands. I back off so he can continue playing.
At this point, Candice takes me aside, to give me a pep talk. She tells me that K really likes me, cuz he NEVER invites girls out with them. Then she says that she thinks he is going to make it official soon, but that he's a bit worried about scaring me off, since I'm older. She also says he hasn't had a real girlfriend since he was in grade 9, so that could also play a part in why he seems so awkward and distant sometimes. Grateful for her candid advice, I thank her profusely.
Not too long after that, we leave.
K grabs my hand, as we are leaving the bar, and we walk out hand in hand. As we're walking towards Pizza Pizza, for a post-bar bite to eat, some guy walking towards us points at me, and calls me a bitch. K freaks out.
"What did you call her?" he asks the guy.
The guy stops walking, and looks at me, then at K.
"Oh shit dude, sorry, I didn't mean it. I meant that other chick down there...stay away from that bitch..."
"No. You called her a bitch. She is not a bitch. You don't call her a bitch..." he says, giving the guy a shove.
"I didn't call her a bitch..."
"Yah you did. I heard you call her a bitch, and no one calls my girl a bitch. She is not a bitch. She's the furthest thing from a bitch..."
Throughout all this, I am cowering behind Paul, trying to catch K's hand to pull him away.
"You apologize to her right now, you asshole!" K is saying.
The guy wheels over to me, looking pretty terrified, and says he is sorry. I say it's no problem, and then grab K's hand and start to lead him away.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I just did not like hearing him call you a bitch!"
"It's okay, hun..." I say, squeezing his hand.

More drama takes place at Pizza Pizza too. K's friend Paul is shit faced, and decides he wants to fight someone. His gaze rests on my sister's boss, also named Paul, who is dating the girl my sister works with. I'd met him once before (I believe I blogged about him once) at the Royal. He comes up to me, and gives me a hug. Then he proceeds to hit on me. Luckily, K is up getting pizza and doesnt' hear anything. Paul does. He stares the guy down, until finally he leaves. K comes back with the pizza, and Paul tells him that he wants to fight the guy. I convince him to let it go, though. On our way out, the other Paul calls me over, and gives me a big hug.
"Don't let him treat you bad," he says, looking at K.
K stares at him hard, his face all business.
"I won't..." I say awkwardly. I can see K's friend Paul chompin at the bit to punch the guy, so I steer him out of the store, hoping K will follow. He doesn't.
I push Paul outside, and look back at K. He's leaning against the counter, talking to Paul, looking like business. Eventually he comes out.
"What was goin on with you guys?" I ask him.
"Oh, I was just letting him know I'm with you. I don't like that guy..." he says.
"I want to fight the asshole," Paul says.
"Let it go, guys," I say. I decide not to tell them that he was hitting on me. Not until we get into the car, and are on our way back to Candices. When I do spill the beans, Paul is furious.
"Dude, he was hitting on your girlfriend. Let's go back. I want to beat the shit outta that guy!"
"No, it's not worth it! He's a loser," I say.
K is silent. I grab his hand, and he looks back at me (I am in the back, he is in the front) and smiles. All is well.

So we go back to Candices, have a few more drinks, and then crash on the couch. K is about to pass out, but I am feeling frisky. I get busy with my hands, while kissing his neck. It doesn't take long at all to get a response from him, but we can't do too much cuz Paul is on the other couch. I whisper in his ear that he should meet me in the bathroom in a few minutes, and then climb off of him. He joins me in two minutes, and we proceed to have the most wild makeout-sex fest I've ever had. It was a pretty big bathroom, and we did it on every surface. Delightful, I must say. Then we went into Candices room, as she decided to sleep in her mom's bed, and cuddled up for the night.

All in all, it was a pretty solid Saturday evening. I also gained some confidence on our relationship. All night his friends were referring to me has his girlfriend, and he never once corrected them. I also called him my boyfriend, once, to Paul (my sisters boss) within earshot of the OTHER Paul, and wasn't corrected on that. So...things appear to be going well. I am happy, which is a good thing, cuz I haven't been in awhile.

We'll see how it goes.