On Closing The Door

Metaphorically speaking, I am officially closing the door on men. I've had the door open for awhile, and I've even gone so far as to keep peeking out periodically to see if anyone is coming. The problem with doing this is that you end up looking like a creeper, constantly looking for someone that isn't there. I must admit, it looks slightly desperate, to those who can decode the body language. So, after much internal debating, I have decided to close the door. I reluctantly closed it. It was hard to do, but I kept thinking back to the advice my Mom gave me: "Love will never come when you're looking for it. It only comes when you're not ready."

So, in keeping with this adage, I am going to cease all active pursuits of love. I would be lying if I said I was not looking at all. If we stick with this door metaphor, then my door has a window in it. It's a window with curtains that you can see vaguely through, if you press your face against it. From time to time, I will definitely have my face in that curtain.

I did do something the other day that is slightly embarrassing. This happened before I shut the door, so don't judge. As per usual, I went out drinking Friday night. This will never change, at least not for a while. I need the wind-down that it brings. Anyways, I was out with my sister and our friend Holly. We went to the pub first, and then wandered over to the seedier, but more populated (usually) bar. There weren't too many people there though, which was kind of a let down. Resigned to our fate, we grabbed a table and proceeded to people watch and gossip. The only other large group that was there consisted of a lot of younger people. At least two of the people, a girl and a guy, were under aged. The girl was a known rival of my sister (for the affections of a man, of course). We ended up ratting on the girl, who was asked to leave. It's my duty, I feel, as a teacher, to rat out underagers now. But I digress. I noticed this guy, who I have seen around before. I knew him to be the youngest of a rather notorious Tillsonburg family. He has a sister two years older than me, one the same age as me, and a brother the same age as my sister. He's two years younger than the brother. I won't say his age, since I get teased for this often, but if you know my sisters age, subtract two, and you've got him. I couldn't help staring, and I drunkenly tried to catch his eye. I'm not sure if this happened or not, because when you're drunk you judge situations wrong, but I felt like we connected a few times. It was the coy eye catching thing that happens now and again. I kept trying to broadcast the "approach me" vibe, but didn't really get anywhere with it.

We got bored of the bar, and decided to leave, around 2. When I got into my room, I went to turn off my computer, and then did the stupidest thing imaginable; I went onto Facebook. Not only did I log onto Facebook, I also searched for this young fellow, and proceeded to Poke him. I am ridiculously stupid for doing so. I could have come across as a HUGE creepo. I still may.

Anyways, this evening I get a message from Facebook. Instead of poking me back, the young man decided to message me. I debate not opening the message for a minute or two. I am afraid it will be something horrible like "Who the hell are you, and why are you poking me" or "You are old and disgusting, leave me alone".
Instead all it says is a simple "Hey whats up?"

Unsure of how to tackle the situation, I messaged my friend Rachelle, who lovingly laughed at me and told me to make small talk back. I knew this is what I had to do, but I needed the reassurance that it wasn't creepy to do so. So I shot off a "Not much, just having a laaazy Sunday".
I debated whether or not to add a "you?". Ultimately I decided against it, because then it seemed as if I wanted to continue the conversation. The way I left it, he can either let it go, or he can instigate some more conversation. Either way, it is all in his court, because I closed my part of the conversation. I thought it was rather clever, but then again what do I know? I am mentally handicapped when it comes to dealing with men (sober).

We'll wait it out, see what I get in return (if anything at all). Not that I care. The door is closed now. I will peek through the curtain though, to see if I get any mail.

Cheers.