On Being Well Again, and Other Developments

After three weeks, a trip to the Emergency Room, and endless nights of no sleep, I am proud to say that I feel 100% better! I think I may have finally managed to kick this mono, which is a huge load off! Now that I feel normal again, it really is astonishing to me how debilitating the infection was! I really did feel a lot more lethargic and tired. I am just glad that the laziness had a reason, and wasn't just some random change in my personality. I was very afraid, prior to my diagnosis, that I was simply aging, and my laziness was a result of my body telling me it was time to slow down. I should have known that 23 was far too young for that change to be taking place! What a relief that I can now return to my normal, energetic self! I went to the gym today for the first time in a week, and it felt good to sweat again. My muscles were starting to miss the strain I put them through, and I was definitely starting to worry that I would lose all those weeks of hard work. I like my tight new legs, and wasn't too keen on giving those up.

I've finally got my timetable for the first semester e-mailed to me. I was a bit afraid of what I was going to be expected to teach, but now that it is all before me, I am very at ease. There is only one book I have to teach that I am unfamiliar with, but I will hastily order it from Amazon.ca, and start reading it as soon as possible. The rest is all literature that I am familiar with, having read it at some point in my life. Obviously I will re-read everything, this time taking an educators perspective, and taking notes on what I think I could do with the material. The English department head said there are detailed lesson plans available for me to use, but that I am free to do my own thing, so long as the end result is the same. I can work within those confines quite easily. I do hope to be able to bring my own techniques and style into teaching the lessons, and hopefully add to their ways of teaching the content. I would hate to think that I go all the way to England and fail to teach the STAFF anything. After all, part of getting someone like myself to come over is to get a fresh perspective into the department, for staff and students alike. I really hope that I can contribute to the school in a number of different levels. I am confident enough in my abilities that I will do that, but sometimes I think it's just wishful thinking. Ah well. I can only do my best, and hope that someone gets something out of it.

I still haven't talked to K since I ran into him at work on Saturday. I'm not at all concerned though. In fact, I really am quite indifferent to the entire matter. As the Maroon 5 and Rihanna song goes "If I never see your face again, I don't mind". It couldn't be any truer for myself, at this point. I harbour no ill will, and don't feel one way or the other about him. I'd be content with being his friend, at this point, but if he decides he wants to cut all contact, that's fine too. I really don't care, either way. I certainly don't need him for anything. In fact, I'm increasingly beginning to realize that there's never really a shortage of men in my life that wouldn't gladly fill any male vacancies I may have. As it were, a few weeks back I was introduced to a lovely new fellow from town. He's a friend of my friend Nick (who is Holly's older brother), and his name Joshua. I'll skip calling him by his first initial, since it doesn't particularly matter if anyone knows about THIS crush. I'm leaving in 37 days, so whatever gets out there will get out there and then crumble after I've left. Anyways. He's only a year younger than me this time, instead of the 4 year difference between K and I. I still find it slightly amusing though, that he is still technically younger. When will I learn? Heh heh. We both find it rather bizarre that we grew up in this town, and have never met each other until just now. I thought I knew everyone, but apparently not. He went to Otterville Public School and then Norwich High School, like Nick and Holly did, so that probably accounts for my failure to know him. Anyways, he's pretty much your average next-door-neighbour type guy; not drop dead gorgeous by any means, but cute, with an endearing personality. He's shy, which sometimes gets me going - shyness in men can bring out a saucy streak in me. I tend to want to corrupt them. We talk on MSN most nights, and it's never awkward. This is a huge difference than talking with K, who never really disclosed much of anything, and was terrible at maintaining a conversation. I should have guessed from that that he was a dud. Ah well. C'est la vie. Anyways, Josh is probably the most honest person I've met in awhile, and I find his frankness is often surprising. He doesn't seem afraid to admit that he likes me, and often complains about how unfair it is that we met now, just as I am about to leave the country. He also told me the other night that he fears I will never return, and that it makes him sad. I'm never sure how to reply to these things. We've never even so much as hugged, so it's a bit odd to have someone admit to feeling this way, while getting nothing in return. This isn't to say I didn't want to try, however the mono really put a damper on anything ever progressing. Then, when I talked to him about it, he told me flat out that as much as he'd like to try "these things" with me, and how he knows it would be "amazing", he would rather not go there because it would make things very hard when I left. It makes a lot of sense, because often when you take that leap, feelings get involved. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, so we've kind of agreed to keep things on a familial level. I know my feelings wouldn't get hurt, should anything happen, because I am already prepared to go. I'm ready to cut all ties of that nature, in the hopes of making new relationships over there. However, I can't expect a guy here to be ready to do the same. They go nowhere, their feelings will remain. Mine won't. It's a sticky situation.

Anyways, the whole Josh thing has just really shown me that there ARE nice guys out there, who like me for more than just my body. I can get whoever I want, if I put my mind to it. So I will take this new found power with me to England, and be sure to woo whichever lucky bloke catches my eye. He better be a looker!

Cheers.