On Having Mono.....Yes, Mono

I realize it's been awhile since I posted, and I apologize. However, if the title of this blog caught your eye, then surely you must be aware of at least one possible reason for my literary absence. As I boldly stated in the title, I have mono. Yes...the so called "kissing disease" that afflicts so many youth, past and present. I will remind you, yet again in case you were wondering, that I am no mere youth. I'm 23 years old, and would like to consider myself above being classed as a youth. However, at the ripe age of 23, I contracted what is typically a disease of teens; mono. How utterly embarrassing.

If you're wondering how I managed to get mono, you will have to get in line. I've wracked my brain endlessly, trying to figure that mystery out. I've been scrutinizing all my friends, even mere acquaintances, to see if ANYONE within the past 6 weeks has shown any signs of having mono. No one in my recollection has been through what I have been though, these past three weeks. No one has taken ill, complained of headaches, fever, body pain, and most importantly, the dreaded sore throat that accompany symptomatic cases of mono. However, as everyone loves to remind me, many people can be carriers of mono and never know it. These people have no idea how lucky they are.

Three weeks ago, the Thursday before I was to attend Andie's going away party, I started to get a headache. It's important to note that I rarely get headaches, so when I do it's usually a sign of something bigger to come. I viewed my new found headache warily, wondering what it could mean. However, I was just starting my new job at Sobeys, and didn't have time to wonder too hard. I simply popped the Advil's every six hours, and fended it off that way. However, after the pills started to wear off, the headache would always return. This was especially odd, for me. I went to Andies party anyways though, headache temporarily suspended with my good friend Advil in tow, and had a fabulous time. However, the following morning, I woke up to extreme muscle pains in my arms. I chalked it up to sleeping on the floor though, and thought the headache that day was a result of alcohol overdosing. I drove home, and napped for the remainder of the weekend.

The entire week that followed the headache persisted, along with it's new friend muscle pain. Going to the gym became a huge struggle, and I started to feel lazy. I started to rationalize going to the gym every other day, instead of the typical every day. I tried to reason that maybe my muscles were being strained by being worked every day, and told myself that it was healthy to let them rest a day in between. However, I soon found my laziness spreading. I napped every afternoon, often for two or three hours. The headaches remained constant, unless I took daily doses of Advil. A nightly fever started to occur. I felt shittier and shittier as the days progressed.

Entering week two, my throat started to hurt. Bad. This was the last straw. I decided to see my doctor. I called to make an appointment, and was lucky enough to be admitted that day. He asked me about how I was feeling, so I explained to him my symptoms. His first question was "Do you find you're more tired lately?"
"Um...well I've been napping almost every day, now that I think about it..." I said reluctantly. I was unsure what he was getting at. I was pretty sure I had strep throat, the way my tonsils were swollen.
"Well...because you told me the sore throat came AFTER the headache and fever, I think you have mono," he said, point blank.
I stared at him in disbelief.
"How could I get mono?!" I asked, the shock and horror clear in my voice.
"It happens to a lot of people in the teens and twenties," he said, matter of factly.
I scowled, "I'm not a teen...." I said slowly, "but I am dating one...kind of..."
He grinned at me, impishly. I feel the need, at this moment, to mention that my doctor is extraordinarily hot. My mother, sister and I jokingly refer to him as Tillsonburg's McDreamy. He really is very very very attractive. When he gave me his mocking grin, I couldn't help but laugh.
"It kind of makes sense now..." I said.
He made me get on the counter-thing and hike up my shirt, so that he could feel my spleen. Apparently many people with mono get an enlarged spleen, which when hit could rupture. Luckily, mine was fine.
He sent me to the hospital to get my blood tested, to be absolutely sure.
A few hours later, he called me personally to break the news.
"I was right, you have infectious mono. That's what is making your tonsils so enlarged. Unfortunately, I can't give you anything for it, you just have to sleep it off, and drink lots of fluids"
Dejected, I thanked him for his time, and then hung up.

I then had the horrible task of informing ANYONE that I had kissed in the past while of my recent diagnosis. That didn't take long. I texted K to tell him. He seemed horrified. We texted back and forth for awhile, debating how I could have gotten mono. He remained adamant that it wasn't from him, and then started freaking about how if he got mono, all his friends would get mono "because they shared drinks all weekend". What a spit whore.

In all honesty, the way he's reacted over this whole mono thing has really put a lot of things in perspective for me. He's been friendly enough, when he's accidentally ran into me working at Sobeys since I told him, but otherwise he's been super distant, if not a little cold. Just goes to show how immature he is, and how little I really matter to him at all. It's definitely pulled me out of my disillusioned crush on him, and put me back in reality. He was never interested in me above using me for my awesomely good body, and the awesomely good sex I could provide him with. Plus I was older, and way hot. He stood to gain a lot by having a sexual relationship with me, but little else. He got what he wanted, clearly. I guess I got what I wanted to...a hot little fling with a sexy young boy. But now that the chips have fallen, and I've seen him for what he really is, I can finally get over feelings I may have had for him. He's just a stupid selfish kid....but I was even stupider to think I felt something for him. I'm almost relieved to have an excuse to end it. However, I think I still may be weak, because a part of me knows that after I'm better, if he asks for a booty call, I will likely give it. It can't really be helped. I'm still pretty physically attracted to the kid. He's effing hot, what can I say...and who am I to deny myself sex? I'd rather sleep with him again, than waste my time trying to sleep with someone else in this pathetic town, for the brief period that I'm still here. So if he comes a-knocking, I won't throw him out of bed.

Anyways, I digress. The past few days have been total fell for me. My tonsils got so swollen and sore, that I could not even swallow my own spit. Sunday morning I woke up at 4 am, sobbing and laying in my spit-drenched pillow. I went downstairs and sucked on ice cubes until my Mom came down at 8, and told me to go to the ER. Reluctantly I did. I didn't want to waste any ones time with my pathetic tonsils, and yet I also couldn't tolerate the pain any longer. I sat there, in the empty ER for about half an hour before a doctor came to see me. I asked a few hurried questions, didn't even look in my mouth, and wrote a prescription for a mouthwash that would numb my tonsils until they got better on their own.
"We can't do anything for mono" he told me, the anger very evident in his voice.
I choked back my tears, as I tried to explain that coming to the ER was a desperate move, by someone in pain. However, because my tonsils were so swollen, I could hardly talk. I made some gurgling noises, tears streaming down my face.
He looked at me, with a mixture of pity and anger, handed my the prescription, and told me to have a nice day.

I walked home feeling like a leech on society...I had dreaded wasting time, and I felt like I had. But I clutched the prescription like my life depended on it. It was my only hope of escaping the pain. I filled it as soon as the drugstore opened, and quickly gargled with the green liquid. It helped a little, but not nearly as much as I had hoped. I spent all day Sunday in an exhausted stupor, going to bed at 10.

I woke up this morning, after my first full night of sleep in a week. My tonsils, while still swollen, felt a little less painful. I didn't feel tired at all. Things appear to be on the upswing (knock on wood). I can only hope that things will start to clear up, because I honestly cannot take another week of this. Mono is the worst illness I have ever had, to date. It's been so painful, and the doctors have been kind of dick headed in telling me there is nothing they can do for me. Mono is just something your body has to fight on its own, which is a rare thing in this overly medicalized age. I can only HOPE and PRAY that you never get it, because it is truly a miserable thing to have.

I just hope my time with it is at an end...

Cheers!