On K Being A Total Douche, And Making Me Feel Whorish

Yesterday evening, I was sitting at home wasting time on the Internet before I had to go into work at 7pm. As I was sitting there, I get a phone call from my friend Holly.
"Hey, I'm in Boston Pizza in Woodstock, and guess who's here," she says.
"K" I say, already knowing exactly where this is going.
"Yep...and he's not alone. He's with some blonde chick. She kinda looks like that Nikita girl that works at Kelseys"
"Oh yah? Who knows, maybe..."
"It clearly looks like he is on a date. I mean, he came in alone, and she came in after...but Matt and I both agree it looks very date-like. It's a date," she says.
"Wow, unreal," I say. I don't know what else to say. I can't decided how I'm feeling.
She pauses for a minute, before asking, "Are you mad? I debated whether or not I should call you, because I wasn't sure that you'd really care, but then I thought I would like to know...and Matt said that you deserved to know, so I called you..."
I hesitate a millisecond before replying, "No. I'm not mad....Well. I'm a little hurt, if anything. Not about him being there with some girl...but just at the fact that the entire time I was 'seeing' him, he never took me out for dinner...and now here he is with some random blonde....makes me feel like such a whore. Like all I was good for was sex..."
Holly sighs, "Well, we all knew he was a douche bag...I'm sorry. I mean, I know you don't really care, and yet I know that you do"
"Yah. I don't care...I mean I was over this ages ago. And I'm leaving for England, so what the fuck do I care, I mean really? It's just the principle of the thing that really gets to me. I feel like trash..."
"Don't. Do you want me to try to see if I know who the girl is?" she asks.
"Sure, why not. Just for shits and giggles," I say.
We hang up, and she tells me she will call me once she leaves.
About 10 minutes later she calls back, unsure of who the girl is. She didn't get a good look at her face, and she didn't want to make it look TOO obvious that she was looking.
"Did K see you?" I ask.
"I don't think so, he was pretty engrossed in the girl..."
I frown to myself, and shake my head.
"Whatever, fuck that. At least now I know not to let him touch my body. No more booty calls for him. Dick..."

I briefly toyed with the idea of texting him, and saying "How's the date goin?". In fact, I even asked my good bud Rachelle if she thought this was a good idea. She texted me back with a resounding NO, saying that it would only make it look like I cared. I thought about it, and realized she was right. Doing that would make me sound like a jealous bitch, which is not something that I am. For all I care he can go date the world. I just don't like the way finding out made me feel about myself...I felt very used and disgusting.

You see, I had recently resolved to be over the guy. He just wasn't worth the effort. However, last Friday I saw him out at the bar. I panicked a little, unsure of what to do that night. I was adamant that I would not approach him, since he had hardly spoken to me in weeks. My friends all urged me to go say hello, but I was stubborn with the idea that he had to come to me. Rightly so. There was no way in hell I was going to go crawling for him. I saw him leave for a smoke around 1. Coincidentally enough, I get a text message from him while he is outside.
"Should come to the bar" he says.
I smile smugly. I know he's seen me, and this is his lame attempt to try to act like he hasn't.
"I'm already at the bar" I reply.
As I predicted, the moment he comes in from his smoke he walks directly towards me. He clearly saw me previously, but couldn't figure out how to come over and say hello. He used the lame excuse that he talked to my sister outside, and that she was the one that clued him into where I was sitting. Regardless, I am more than a little pleased that I "won"; he DID come to me. We flirt shamelessly for awhile, and then he asks me to come sit with him and his buddies. I happily oblige, thinking that things are going back to the way they used to be. We go over to where his friends are, and he sits down, beckoning me to sit on his lap. He's all hands, touching my legs, my thigh, my stomach, my back. He pulls my head down for a kiss more than once. Drunkenly, I kiss him back, and get equally as handsy. We end up fooling around that night, and it's as good as ever.

And then I don't hear from him again. Then I get Holly's call. It all comes crashing in my face. I feel so used. It's not even a week since we screwed around, and he's on a date with some tiny blonde. I'm nothing more than a roll in the hay to him. It smacks me in the face, hard. This is why I struggle for a moment when Holly calls me. This is why I'm unsure of how to feel. Up until that point, I had always thought that I while K and I were casual, there was never a threat of anyone else. Now there is. Suddenly I don't feel as secure in our casual relationship. Now it's not casual. It's a pure booty call on his part, and I am nothing more than an easy catch. That stings me more than I thought it would. Not much has changed, and yet I go from feeling like I have some control on the situation to having none at all. I'm purely a play thing to him, at his beck and call.

Well...now that I have this new found knowledge, rest assured that his days of playing with me are over. If he tries to booty call me again, which for some reason I highly doubt he will, I will call him on his disgusting behaviour. However, like I said, I doubt the opportunity will arise. I'm guessing he will be able to wheel the new girl fairly fast. Most girls are pretty keen to take off their panties these days, so I doubt he will have much of a struggle to get into her pants. He's a charmer, anyways. He puts in all the time at the start, to get you into thinking he likes you. He's good that way. I wish whoever this new girl is all the luck in the world, because once he tires of her like he tired of me, she'll be just another girl chucked into the used pile.

Anyways, the whole situation made me realize that I have really great friends. Holly is a great friend for calling me as soon as she realized what was going on, and for being honest with me. Rachelle is also a great friend, for giving me the insight I couldn't see right away. And she gave it to me while on a date! So kudos to her. But it also highlighted the fact that I miss my best friend, Andie. She's gone for 5 weeks to Quebec, to take part in this really amazing program to learn French. It's such a great thing for her! I am so proud of her! But I also miss her like crazy, and I miss being able to talk to her. I was sooo tempted to call her cell phone, but then I worried that she'd be busy, or that it would cost us both too much due to roaming and long distance charges, or whatever! Also, it was such a trivial thing to call her about, so I decided against it. Still...it really showed me how much I miss being able to talk to her. We used to talk on MSN like every day, at least for a little bit. And I always knew she was there. I know she is there now, she's not even that far! However, I guess what's really bothering me is that it's really showing me how hard it's going to be when I am in England. The good news is it is making me determined to try and talk to her as much as I can while I am overseas. I really need my Banandie, and I won't let some stupid ocean and time distance get in the way of that! But anyways, I am sad that I am going through this shitty K crap without her around...cuz I know she'd offer some insight that no one else can, cuz she knows me better than anyone. Ah well. I can't wait for my going away party. It's going to be really good, but really sad. I didn't cry at Andie's goodbye party, cuz I knew I would see her soon. This time I will cry, because the distance will be so much further...but I know that I will make every effort to stay connected, not just to her, but to all my dear friends (Rachelle, Holly, Christine) and my family (Sheens and Ethan especially). It might take a lot of work on my part, and maybe require some odd hours for me to be up, but I am determined that I will do it. I don't want to be cut out of everyone's lives, just because I am in England. I will still need them, perhaps more than ever, as I make this huge leap. But enough of the sad stuff for now....
Cheers.