Yesterday my horoscope told me that the "Force was with me". At first, I had a rather big laugh about this, because it was so very Star-Wars-geeky. I like Star Wars, but I definitely am not THAT geeky (meaning not geeky enough to really deserve/appreciate a horoscope saying that). However, upon further reading it wasn't really meant to be a direct Star Wars reference (although clearly whoever wrote it knew they were doing that). The horoscope went on to say that since the Force was with me, I didn't have to "force" anything in the near future. It said that I just had to "lay back" and take life as it came. It said that I could get anything I wanted, if I just willed the obstacles out of my way. I had a minor giggle over how sexual it sounded, to lay back and take it, and then I tried to consider the horoscope seriously. The first time that came to mind was my crush on C. Maybe the key to getting C to like me, and potentially date me, was to just be cool. Cooler than cool. Ice cold. this probably isn't a bad idea. Sometimes, when I get crushes on people, I tend to come on too strong. Most of the time it works for me, but lately I've been finding that it's more of a hindrance than anything else. So, if my horoscope is telling me not to force anything, I definitely won't force anything with C. If he likes me, I guess he will let me know. I'm not going to actively (and aggressively, as I am usually wont to do) pursue him. If life wants me to be with him, then my willing it to be so will be enough to make it happen. Or so says my horoscope.
So I will bind my time, and be cool, calm, and collected, and roll with the punches.
I just hope the punches come in the form of C professing his attraction to me. Or perhaps some random hot person that I am not yet attuned to....that'd work too.
I know how horrible this sounds...I will be the first to admit that I hate being alone. I detest being boyfriendless. It's a matter of fact, and one that I am not overly afraid to admit (although I don't want potential boyfriends to get word of this, because admissions like that usually scare away boys). Reading my horoscope today also shed some light onto this fact as well! Apparently all Libra's have a dislike for being alone. With this in mind, I don't feel as bad! I knew I was normal! All us Libras, boys and girls alike, like to have someone to snuggle up to, and share special moments with. The horoscope went further, to say that some Libra's even define themselves on their relationships. I must admit that in the past I definitely defined myself on my relationships. Or rather, relationship - with Adam. In retrospect, it was a pretty stupid thing to do, and I'd like to think I've learnt my lesson. I'm not nearly as clingy anymore (I would argue that I'm not at all), nor as self-conscious or distrustful. I feel that I'm at a pretty good place right now, and would probably make a really excellent girlfriend.
I don't get jealous anymore (well, everyone gets a LITTLE jealous, but now CRAZY jealous). That is to say, I don't care if my man goes out with his boys, and I don't care if he flirts (either in front of me, or not). The way I see it, if he wants to cheat, he's going to no matter WHAT. Getting jealous will only push him towards it, and make you look like a controlling weird bitch. So if he wants to cheat on me, he can do it. Nothing I can do will stop that. And if that's the kind of guy he is, then I don't want to be with him anyways!
I also hate clingy relationships. They disgust me. I need my time to be with my friends, and so does my man. So none of that for me, anymore. That shit is so high school.
Anyways, I realize that I kind of went off topic there. The point is that I am officially DONE looking for a relationship. This isn't to say I've stopped WISHING for one. Until I am IN one, I will never stop wishing for one. I'd be naive if I said I could stop caring/wishing. So I will admit to that. However, I am done pursuing men. I'm going to wait for something to fall into my lap.
Besides, my horoscope said that if I will it, it will be so. So here I am, wishing away.....
Come to mama....
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