On Making Big Girl Decisions

(**Please note, the spell checker is NOT working...and unfortunatly I cannot spell that great [don't tell anyone]...so sorry about any mistakes)

I went snow tubing Saturday night. It was a lot of fun. In fact, it was probably the most fun I have had in a very long time, without the addition of booze. Except there was some booze added, so that's not entirely a true statement. I did manage to sneak a few tiny bottles of Malibu into my coat, and had a few sips here and there. However, I still don't contribute the fun time I had to the mediocre amount of booze that I ingested. It was pure adrenaline. I was reminded of my childhood generally, and more specifically I was reminded of my first tubing experience in Quebec, oh those many moons again. My first experience, as I just said, with tubing was in Quebec. In grade 9 everyone that was taking French got to go on a one week trip to Quebec City. It was an amazing experience, and one that I hope to duplicate in the near future. It was a gorgeous city, and I regret the fact that I didn't take any pictures. I also was not as historically minded as I am now, so I think a return trip would be even more enlightening to my newly historical self. The only problem with going on trips when you're in grade 9 is that you don't listen to your parents when they tell you to pack stuff. I'm sure you all remember the days of scoffing at your parents suggestions to wear a coat, or a hat, or any other sort of warming gear. So, when my Mom insisted that I take my winter boots with me, I laughed at her, and told her that wouldn't be necessary. Besides, according to my very wise grade 9 self, winter boots were lame and ugly. I would be MUCH more fashionable (which in those days took precidence over comfortable) in my running shoes. We had a struggle over the issue, which ended with her stuffing the boots in my backpack. Right before we left, I chucked them into the basement, snickering at how clever I was.

So when we went tubing, I had a nice pair of Nike runners on. With jeans, because snow pants were for babies....suffice it to say, my feet were incredibly cold and wet, as was my ass. I shivered the entire bus ride home....but so did everyone else, so it wasn't all bad.

This time, I was no fool. I went prepared; I had my nice new winter boots on AND a lovely pair of snow pants to boot. Yes, at 23 years old, I finally admitted that while snow pants are ugly to look at, they are a lifesaver when it comes to snow. As such, I was warm and dry this time around. I had a ball.

However, this whole scenario isn't why I entitled the post "On Making Big Girl Decisions", although it does fit. No, the title of this post is in reference to a little situation that developed between my friend Adam and I. You may recall that I had previously admitted my love for Adam. Again, I would like to reiterate that this love is purely of the brotherly variety (although if I am 40 and single, I will track him down and make him marry me, should he also be single. We could be happy, if we had no other choice ha ha ha). Anyways. I love him. He's a great guy. I used to be IN love with him....back in September...but I quickly got over that. I won't get into it, but basically he already has a girlfriend, and I realized I didn't really want to be that girl (besides, it wouldn't have gone anywhere, because I doubt he was, or is, planning on breaking up with her any time soon). We're good friends now, and often act as each other's "opposite sex confidant" up here in the Bay. Adam is probably the only guy up here I trust, and one of the few people of any sex I can trust, for that matter. However, every since the new semester has started, he has been acting a little differently towards me. The difference is not always bad; he's a little more attentive. However, sometimes the attention verges on overtly flirty and sexual. The old Krista would have probably repsonded to his advances....but the new Krista hasn't. He's invited me over a few times, though he usually couches these invitations as more of a "one of the guy" invitations (i.e. to watch Leafs games, or most recently the Super Bowl). Saturday night was different though....Saturday night started out fine...we were with a rather large group, and were all goofin around and having fun. Then, as he started to get drunker (he was drinking Whiskey straight all night), he started to try to isolate us more and more. At first I just thought it was because we're good friends etc etc. I didn't really think much of it. After we all got tired of tubing, we decided to head to the chalet for some drinks. I went to the bathroom, and when I got back there were no chairs left. I saw Alicia standing near Adam's chair, so I went and stood beside him there. He immediatly slid his arm around my waist, and pulled me down so he could whisper in my ear. I can honestly say I was a very good girl, and made sure to strategically position myself so that I IN NO WAY appeared to be making sexual advances to him to the other people present. With these people, you have to watch all your movements, because anything you do can be misconstrued to be some horrible rumour. Anyways, he pulls be closer, and asks me why I'm not drinking. I smile, and say that I am "good". He tries to convince me to get a drink, but I am pretty firm in saying no. Then he asks me if I am coming to the party afterwards (Cam's room mates were apparently having a party - but after what happened there last time, I was not too keen on going). I said, "We'll see..." (knowing full well that I wouldn't be going). He made a drunken pouty face at this, and then proceeded to try and coax me into coming. While he was trying to sweet talk me, his hand inched slowly up and down my back. I glanced over at Alicia, unsure of what to do. She raised an eyebrow at me, as if to say "Ha ha, what are you going to do NOW?"
I turned back to Adam, and told him I wasn't in the mood to go to the party, because I was hungry.
"Come back with me, I will make you food" he said.
His hand was now sliding under my shirt. I froze, completely caught off guard.
He kept rubbing my back...and I started to internally freak out. If people could SEE him doing this, I would be screwed. There is no way this would NOT get out...so I moved backwards a bit, which kind of forced his hand to be at an awkward angle, so he pulled it out. Success!
Or not....he wrapped his arm around me harder, pulling me onto his lap. Great....I wasn't sure what to do now, because my sitting on his lap was blatantly obvious to EVERYONE. Cam's room mate was giving me a quizical look. I tried to look as shocked as possible, and giggled nervously.
Then he whispered something in my ear that I wish he hadn't...."If you come with me....I'll tap that."
Now....come on....that's hilarious. My first instinct was to laugh out loud, because WHO SAYS THAT!? Ha! My second instinct was to make sure he was joking, so I followed my laugh with "What?!"
He looked at me, with the most serious face his drunken self could muster, and said "For reals"
I laughed again, and he said "Rolls eyes...." (which was apparently his catch phrase of the night...and basically serves as sarcasm in a phrase).
This was my cue to exit. I looked at Alicia and asked her if she wanted to go wait for the bus outside. She laughed, and said yes. So I wiggled my way out of Adam's lap, and told him I was going to go wait for the bus, and that he better be out there in ten minutes. He looked up at me, and made me promise him that I wouldn't let the bus leave without him, and that I would consider coming to the party. I told him I would, and then grabbed my stuff and left.

And thus was my awesome awesome big girl decision. You may roll your eyes at how mediocre such a scenario seems, but you weren't there. It was kind of a big deal, and I totally could have gone and slept with him that night...BUT I did not. I can honestly say I didn't even WANT to. This is a big step for me, because the old Krista...the Krista that existed in September, would have been all up on that. Not anymore though...I HONESTLY do not want any more stupid little flings that arn't going to go anywhere. For a guy to get ME, he has to want to be with ONLY me. And that's that.

So there it is. I have officially made the first few steps to becoming a big girl. Hurray!