On The Profoundness Of The Word UGH

So I'm watching season three of Grey's Anatomy on DVD tonight...we've been watching four episodes every Friday night lately. I don't think it's a bad thing, it's a good thing. I think it is a sign of my growth, my maturation, if you will. I am finally growing out of the party phase of my life, and entering the nesting phase. Or at least that's how I rationalize it to myself. Anyways, I digress. What I wanted to say was that I've been watching Greys...and it is really starting to annoy me. Meredith gets with this totally GORGEOUS and emotionally PERFECT boyfriend, in McDreamy. I mean seriously, he does and says all the right things. He is totally, in every possible way, ever, perfect. Now, obvioulsy such people don't exist in real life. They write characters in movies and television shows to be reflections of what we think of is perfect. He is the ideal man. What I really dislike about televison and movies is that they create these perfect men, and the women always, without fail, are profoundly unhappy with the men. They go all emotional and disgusting, and push the perfect men away. And every time it pisses the living shit out of me, because if such a person existed in real life, I would most certainly NEVER push them away. I would jump for joy, and ask him to marry me. I would ask HIM. I wouldn't pull a Meredith, and walk away. WHAT THE FUCK! You just had THE MOST PERFECT man in the entire planet tell you he wants to marry you, and have your babies, and you say "I can't". I'm sorry, what? What?

I'm 23 years old, and achingly single. I mean, to the point where I want to scream sometimes, when I see my friends getting engaged and having buck and does. I want to scream, not necessarily out of sheer anger, but more "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? PICK ME! PICK! ME!" Most of the time it doesn't bother me. The single-ness doesn't always bother me. For the most part, I am content with my life. I am in a good place. I am on the way towards something big. A real life. And admittedly, I cannot get into a serious long term relationship right now. It just isn't possible. I've been through this already, in previous posts. However, there are still moments, in any given day, where I am brutally reminded of how truly alone I really am. I always get over these moments pretty quickly, and then I don't really think much of them. However, when I sit here and watch Grey's, its a lot harder to get over the moments, because they just keep re-occuring. The anger in my bubbles up, and I sometimes literally scream at the television screen. Usually I say "What the FUCK! You are a stupid, silly bitch", or something along those lines.

One of my friends got engaged last night. She had been dating her new fiancee for...oh roughly two or three months now. TWO OR THREE MONTHS. She is engaged. She has a ring. What the HELL is going on here? Is this some kind of profound joke? Where everyone around me is getting engaged, or into THE serious relationship of their life, and I am STILL looking? I am still horribly and totally single? I am single in the most single of ways. I don't even have any prospects. I am, for whatever reason, unattractive (relationship wise) to all the men that I know. What is that about?! WHAT IS THAT?! How can this girl, my friend, meet someone and become engaged two-three months later. Why can't something like that happen to me?!

Wait, I take that back. I don't think I could possibly be deluded enough to agree to marry someone after two or three months. I have way more brains than that. There is no way you could POSSIBLY begin to understand what a person is like in that amount of time. No possible way. People are way too complex for you to get a solid grasp on in that amount of time; you could live with them, and be around them 24-7, and you STILL wouldn't understand their entire being in two or three months. I'm not going to lie; I am frowning SERIOUSLY upon my friends decision to accept the engagement. I think it is huge mistake. However, I would never say that to her. I would also never deny the fact that, despite my misgivings, I am slightly jealous. Or entirely jealous. Well. Entirely. I just wish that someone loved me enough to bring up the idea after two or three months. I would obviously laugh in his face, and turn him down....but the fact would still remain that he cared about me enough to posit the idea.

Anyways....I know I've said I'm not looking, and I know I've said that I am content with my singleness. Both of those statements are true. I am happy. But I am also a woman, and more importantly, I am human. I think we all crave attention and love. It makes the world go round. It's just shows like Grey's Anatomy that get my blood boiling. It bothers me to no end to see women make stupid mistakes when it comes to men, be it accepting a premature proposal, or turning away the perfect man after the perfect amount of courting time.

I guess it just goes to show that the world is perfectly imperfect, and that nothing ever goes the way we want it to. Until one day it does.

Cheers.